Zara is almost 2

 Sweet Zara Wheatley is 23 months old .  I cannot believe she is going to be 2 years old soon.  Zara is so funny, she is very into her independence right now.  She wants to do everything herself which she firmly declares as "SELF".    As you can see in the above picture she had her first face plant on the concrete during our attempt at brunch last Sunday.  I think she was trying to do a somersault off a concrete step but we will never know because Papa turned his back for a second and that is when the screams started (and did not stop for quite some time).  I think we may have a little dare devil on our hands who just might continue to try to do things "SELF" which may end in more band aids.  We will have to just do our best to keep our eyes on her and hope she learned from this week long injury,  Besides her "SELF" phase Zara is mostly a joy to be around.  She is talking in full sentences and expressing how she feels about the world around her which I find as a mama to be fascinating.  I love to hear about what she thinks and how she puts ideas together in her head.  She is currently not quite understanding that she can not do everything that she wants to so that is cause for a number of temper tantrums but hopefully the screams will taper off sooner than later. 

 Zara loves to sing and make up songs anytime, anyhow, anywhere.  She also likes to scream at the top of her voice just for fun:)  She loves to climb up on just about anything and has mastered all kinds of new challenges at the park.  She is enjoying a new understanding of the change of seasons and likes to pick out her own clothes (and most days ends up wearing PJ's under some other form of clothing due to not wanting to take them off:). 

 Zara loves to play in the sand which makes me so excited to take her to the beach in a few weeks.  I wonder if we will ever leave the beach because she may just want to play in the sand all day long.  She also has strong feelings on how her hair is fixed.  As you can see in the picture above Zara took out her bun and strong opposed mama putting it back in:)  Last night before bed she asked me to put her hair up in pig tails to show Mr. Garrett. her music teacher, the next day:)

This is sweet Zara around bed time last night.  Getting her dressed and ready for bed has been one of our greatest challenges these days.  She wants to play, draw, paint, talk, read books, eat, drink, and be merry and knows that going to bed puts and end to all that.  So even though I put a great effort into falling asleep she often times does not go down until she is completely out of juice which is around 9:30 or 10.  Zara has never really been a great sleeper, she still sleeps with us and nurses at night on demand. but I think that as she gets older and a little more energized and wild that she will have to give into her exhaustion eventually.  At least that is what I hope for. This evening we are going to Zara's first pumpkin patch and I am so excited for her to pick out her first pumpkin and really join in on fall festivities. 

On a mother's note, even though Zara has been a bit challenging lately and has tested my patience I feel so happy and full of love for the little being that she is becoming.  I feel like all I want to do is support who she is becoming, do my best to teach her emotional intelligence, help her understand that her wants and my wants will need to co-exist, and show her feelings, wants and needs respect.  Being an educator to so many young people I have to say that I believe in Positive Behavior Support (PBS) whole heartedly and I really feel that if I can implement this  into my parenting style that even though challenging moments will present themselves in the long run it will pay off. 
On a personal note I am coming to terms with the fact that I cannot be the "perfect" woman/mother.  I cannot cook gourmet meals, clean, do all the laundry, do all the dishes, have a perfect body, have a clean home, work almost full time and still be a present, loving, compassionate and fun mom.  I cannot do it all so I am having to let go of that.  I read a blog the other day about this illusion of being the perfect woman and how so many of those idealisms have carried over from the 1950's.  Being a working mother I have to take care of my child, myself and my relationship before making sure everything else is done.  I keep up fairly well but I do have to say that I go 100 mph all day long and into the evening.  I rarely have time to do things for me but I do sneak in a yoga class at least once a week and do my best to read a chapter in a book maybe once a week, sometimes more.  I feel balanced emotionally and physically but I have to keep my head above water long enough to find that balance.  Motherhood is no joke ladies!

21 months WOW

 Zara is 21+ months old.  She amazes me daily, she is talking in full sentences telling me new and exciting things everyday.  She is funny, smart, and still so very sweet.  We had such a fun summer together, we went to the swimming pool, played at the park, went to the library and farmers market on Saturdays, played with friends, and just enjoyed slowing down a bit.  Zara seems so tall and big to me, I can not believe she is almost 2 years old.  She tells me she wants a yellow birthday cake for her birthday.  One of my favorite things she has started to do is to sing along to music in the car.  I have tried time and time again to capture these sing along moments on video but as soon as the phone comes out she stops and just stares at me.  She gets into her song when she doesn't think anyone is watching.  Zara is also becoming quite social.  She makes friends at the park and it is so sweet to see her play independently with another little one.  She also remembers all of her friends names and asks about them regularly.  Z loves to draw, color, and play with play doe.  She still loves reading books and snuggling with mama.  I thought she may start weaning off of mama's milk this summer having me around all the time but it seems the opposite has occurred, she loves it more than ever so I am still tired, sleep deprived, and feeling chubby.  Oh well, it is the best "food" for her to eat, she is so strong and smart and someday will stop sucking me dry.  I have gone back to work and Zara seems perfectly happy saying good-bye in the mornings.  She loves spending time with her papa and is spending a few afternoon's each week with our friend Laura and her 6 month old Baby girl.  Overall life could not be any better, even with life getting busier I feel excited to teach art and reconnect with my students.

Tell me all about it....19 months old

Sweet Zara Wheatley is 19 months old.  She is still a driven, smart, beautiful, sweet, feisty, and all around amazing little lady.  She is talking, expressing herself, and putting words together into short sentences.  This evening she bumped her head on the faucet in the bath tub and she kept saying "sad mama, sad" and frowning into the mirror.  Everywhere we go she points at different things and says what they are.  She is really listening and paying attention to the world around her.  Zara has temper tantrums but she seems to pull herself together pretty easily and as long as she is healthy she seems to sleep pretty constantly.  She is so sweet, giving mama hugs and kisses all the time. We are having such a fun summer together, I am so happy that we have this time and will have this time together every year.  I am so happy, tired but happy.  Have I gotten my "body back"? No.  Do I have time to read, draw, paint, do yoga, meditate, etc?  No.  Do I work my tail off all day and sometimes all night. Yes.  But do I love almost every second of it?  Yes.  I love being a mama to this amazing little lady.  I love watching her evolve and become more and more of who she is.  I love walking around the block with her while she walks and smells the flowers while holding lucy's leash.  I don't really care that I am not wearing a size 4, I do not care if I do not have alone time to reflect because I am so happy with what I do get.  So much time with this beautiful soul that entered the world through my body.  

37 years old and 16 months

Zara is almost 16 months old and today I am 37 years old.  Birthdays always seem to bring me to a nice place of reflection, a milestone of sorts looking back over the past year and all the changes, evolutions, trials and tribulations.  This past year has been one of the most wonderful and most challenging of my life.  Becoming a mother has fulfilled something inside of me that was looking to be filled for as long as I can remember but it is also challenging.  It seems almost impossible to keep up with taking care of another little soul while working, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and getting ready to move house but as long as I stay in the moment most everything gets done and I have fun taking this little lady along with me.  Zara is becoming such a strong minded, independent, smart, communicative, beautiful and sweet little lady.  I am amazed at her evolution this past 4 months.  Since she turned one year it seems that everyday it is something new.  She is climbing up on anything and everything, new words sneak out of her mouth daily, she is actually napping for longer, running, playing at the park more independently and telling us what she wants, when her diaper is dirty, and signing up a storm.  All of it amazes me and when I take a moment to reflect I just smile.  All of it is so worth it.  Just as Zara is getting more and more curious about all the junk we have stored in this little town home of ours we are going to move.  Darren and I have been looking for a house since this past summer and the perfect house has fallen into our lap in the perfect time in the perfect scenario and we even sold our townhome without putting in on the market and will close on our place on April 1st.  The picture above is Zara and lucy playing in our new backyard.  It will be nice to have a few extra rooms, to be able to unpack with child proofing in mind and have a nice storage shed outside to store all of the little things we do not want Zara getting into, and it is amazing how we have time to update the bathroom and kitchen before we move in so that we are moving into our little creation and do not have to live in a construction zone.  Life is so beautiful, I feel so blessed and I am so happy.  I do not even ming that I seem to be creeping closer and closer to 40:)  I will deal with that another day...Until next time....

my big little girl

Lying in bed nursing Zara back to sleep this evening I had a moment where I couldn't believe how big she is.  She is long and lean and looks like a little girl, not my little baby.  Zara is 14 months old and growing into a full blown toddler.  It is interested how time moves these days.  I have been so wrapped up in each moment that I haven't really had a chance to reflect and digest this past year of my life.  Zara is growing and changing so fast that I cannot keep up.  I love the constant change of this beautiful little lady, it is fun and exciting to watch her grow, change, develop, communicate, express, and evolve.  She has always expressed her needs clearly and that trend continues as she blossoms into a lovely little lady.  Zara's nature is kind but she has a little fire under all that water.  She is a bit shy with people when she first meets them or sees them for the first time in a little while but it is fun to watch her open up and begin to interact.  Zara is not a great sleeper, maybe she will fall back into a great sleeping trend after these molars come through but the past month has been a bit rough for mama:) 

From mama's point of view I would like to express some reflection on my parenting style.  I tried reading the books, listening to what others told me to do, follow social norms but quickly I realized that the only way for me to parent is from my own intuition.  I feel that Zara's needs are met, she is happy and supported and has thrived from the moment she arrived.  I sometimes feels people's judgements, I can hear their thoughts that Zara may be spoiled or bratty from the love she is receiving but I feel very strongly that we are instilling empathy in Zara and that will not create a bratty and spoiled child.  Supporting her, nursing her, sleeping with her and responding to her cries is not going to create a monster child who gets what she wants all the time and thinks the world revolves around her.  I feel very strongly that making sure that Zara has what she needs will only create a stronger bond between us in turn creating a child that respects us, loves us, and chooses to do the right thing not because of a reward but because she feels good about it.  I realize that a lot of my parenting decisions can be linked to attachment parenting styles and that is fine but what happened in our society to make unattached parenting the norm.  Why is it that every other nation in the world practices attachment parenting, breast feeding their babies like nature intended, sleeping with their babies, responding to their babies cries, carrying their babies, and staying close and connected.  Why is it that our society has such a problem with violent behaviors, could it be linked to these people living an unattached life where they do not attach to their parents and so do not make the attachment to the rest of mankind.  Just a little stream of consciousness, I do feel that Zara is getting all that Darren and I have to give and more and I feel very strongly that it can only benefit her in the long run.  YES I will breastfeed Zara until she weens herself, YES I will co-sleep with Zara until she is developmentally ready to make the decision to sleep in her own bed, and YES I will hold her when she cries and I will wear her on my body because it makes both of us happy:)

A year ago today!

Our beautiful baby girl is going to be one year old tomorrow.  This afternoon on our Sanitas hike I was telling Zara all about how I went into labor one year ago today.  Beginning that conversation I got to thinking about how this year has changed my life.  Zara is the one most precious gift I have ever been given in life.  I love being a mama and I have no problem giving all of myself to this beautiful being.  This past year feels like it has gone by in the blink of an eye but at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago that Zara was not part of our lives.  I feel like she has always been with us and I can not remember what life was like without her.  She is walking, talking, communicating, playing, figuring out toys, puzzles, pointing to different animals in books, making their sounds, etc.  She is developing so fast and arriving in her body more every day.  She is a funny little lady too.  She throws fake fits to get what she wants, she nibbles on my nipple to get a reaction from me, she is using more and more sign language and is amazing me at every turn. 

What a wonderful journey this is, I am excited for every coming moment and look forward to the years to come. 

Happy Birthday baby Z! 

Almost One, WHAT?

oh boy, how time flies when you are having fun.  I can not believe that sweet baby Z will be one year old next month.  She is a funny little lady who is keeping me thoroughly entertained.  She is very clingy and loves to throw little temper tantrums when I do not do what she wants me to.  A funny little battle of the wills already.  In her perfect world I would hold her all day long so she can see and experience the world through my eyes and height but that just doesn't work for me.  She seems to get over her heart break fairly quickly most of the time and I do my best to just laugh.  Zara would also love to have her open all night buffet open all day too.  I really do notice a huge difference in her feeding when I am working.  I wish I could be a stay at home mama but I also feel like it is a good balance for us that I am gone at work 4 days a week.  She is a lucky girl in that she gets to spend so much wonderful time with her papa.  When I go upstairs to take her to bed before I leave for work she goes through a whole body happy kicking fit because she is so excited to go get her papa. 

Sweet Z is still not walking on her own even though she has been caught taking a few steps here and there.  I feel like she does not want to walk yet, like she is not ready to grow up so fast.  That is okay with me, she will walk for the rest of her life so I think it is great if she just wants to crawl around a little longer.

I am doing well, feeling more and more like myself even though I have not really figured how to fit it all in yet.  I really want to make a commitment to working out but just have not had the time do that.  I know it will happen in time so I am just trying to be patient with myself.

Life is good!  I love being Zara's mama more than I could have ever imagined and I think it is just going to get more and more fun as the years go on.  The love I am filled with is beyond words:)