Preparing for labor..34 weeks pregnant

I will be full-term in 3 weeks (@37 weeks) but baby could decide not to come for up to 8 weeks.  Knowing I have this much time it is frustrating when random strangers tell me I look like I am due to have this baby now, today, this very moment.  Even though I still have time I have started thinking about the birthing process.  I have read a number of books, I have watched some videos, I have talked with friends about their birthing experience, and Darren and I are going to take a childbirth class.   With all of these attempts at preparation I find that my brain does not care.  My pregnancy brain seems to forget all the information I am trying to absorb.   My mind seems to be suspended, moving slowly, not digesting information quite right.  I am trying to think about and prepare my mind and body for labor but something inside of me just feels that I will give birth just like all of the other women in the world and no book or class is going to change how that happens.

I am reading a beautiful fictional book right now called URSULA, UNDER by Ingrid Hill.  In one part of the book a woman in the early 1900's gives birth, by herself, finds that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the baby's neck, gets up, cuts the cord (before the placenta is delivered) and finishes up the birthing process on her own.  I sometimes feel silly in the world we live in, making sure I have a certain car seat and stroller, the safest this and that, the most eco-friendly diaper option, as many organic clothes as I can get my paws on, reading books on birthing, watching births, and hearing about all the different birth experiences.  I feel silly about all these little preparations when millions of women all over the world are giving birth in a field under a tree or in a room all alone then cleaning up the mess and moving on with mothering.  I want to find a balance between being too concerned about all the happenings that go along with mothering and letting go of all that and just enjoying baby.

I think my reality check is going to be when labor kicks in, when the true pain of labor arrives, when baby arrives, when baby comes home, when my tendency to pre-plan and prepare is met with a life of experiences you cannot prepare for.  I think that my way of trying to control and organize my surroundings is going to come to an end.  I think this is going to be a pretty intense reality check for me but hopefully all my work in attempting to "let go" will pay off.  Maybe this spaced out pregnancy brain will continue into a spaced out exhausted sleep deprived brain so I will not have to worry to much about all these changes.

31 weeks and growing

That is my belly.  It is starting to feel big even though it has looked big for quite some time.  Baby still has 9 weeks left to fatten up and I feel like I am quickly approaching maximum capacity.  Even though I have moments of feeling uncomfortable towards the end of the day I really do still feel pretty good most of the time.  Baby seems to be in a cycle of being really active (day and night) for 2 or 3 days then mellowing out and sleeping a lot for a few days.  I have a feeling that this last few months may be a bit challenging but I am up for it.  At least I know that each new challenge will bring me closer to the day that I get to meet this sweet, rolling, kicking, growing babe.

This is what I do

Watch the head of the Phoenix in the first 20 seconds of the video and you will see the movement.  This is what I do.  In the evenings I sit and watch my tummy move around.  I could watch it all day and all night if I had the time.  I just sit and wonder what that little being is doing in there.  Darren puts his hand on my moving tummy and feels this little one in action.  We both just watch it and smile.  I can not wait to meet this little one.  Only 10 weeks before baby is due to emerge.