Zara Wheatley is already 8 weeks old. She is growing, growing, growing. She is filling out her 3 mo clothes and is changing everyday. She is interacting a lot more, big smiles, kicking her feet and waving her arms when she is excited. She is so fun to play with, she loves looking at herself in the mirror, looking at books, swinging in her swing and listening to music while looking at the mobile above, she is even sleeping un-swaddled in the morning when I bring her into bed to snuggle. She seems to be seeing the world so much more clearly.
I wish I was seeing a bit more clearly. I feel like I am moving through life in a fog. Zara is a good sleeper so I do not feel sleep deprivation I just feel foggy and unclear on everything in my life. Maybe it is because most of what defined me before has changed, I do not go to yoga 5 days a week anymore, I do not go hiking as much, and I do not have unlimited time to read books and take hot baths. I have started to incorporate these things into my life a bit more, a hot bath before bed every once and awhile, a 10 min yoga session with some core exercised during one of Zara's cat naps but I still feel separate from who I have been for so long. I love being a mom, I love every moment I have with my sweet babe but it is difficult sometimes. I guess I just feel really alone in all this now and talking with other mom's or spending time with friends doesn't help. I just need to ride this wave and know that soon I will feel more connected to myself and will find a new definition of who I am. I will have structure in my life again, I will have yoga in my life again, my core will get strong and thin again and I will still love being a mom.
