Discovery

This picture is of Zara looking at a fish tank for the fist time with her Amah at a sushi restaurant.  She was so amazed at the fish swimming around and was squealing with pleasure watching these colorful fish swim.  Sweet baby Zara is blossoming into such an inquisitive, intelligent, and silly little girl.  She is 7 and a half months old and I feel like she is growing and changing faster than I can keep up with.  Maybe it is because I am home from work for the summer and I am spending more time with her but it seems like every day it is something new.  She is saying mamama, bababa, papapa, wawawa, woof woof woof, and all kinds of other sounds that have no name.  She is getting so strong, doing squats and pull ups in her own baby way, she has discovered the stairs and loves climbing them and anything else that she can.   We are having such a fun summer together.  I am having so much fun watching Zara discover the world around her not only with her eyes but also with her body, touching, crawling, and playing with new things.  She has discovered gravity and loves to try out everything she finds with a little taste.  She is teething and her two bottom teeth have come through.  She is a happy baby but sometimes lately she just starts crying for no reason then starts laughing in the same breath.  It has been hot but we are beating the heat with a little baby pool that we sit in mid day to cool down.

I do feel like it may be more work being a stay at home mom but it is so wonderful, I feel that I will be so sad when I have to go back to work in August.  I am finally relaxed and ready to start some summer projects.  Project number one is to De-clutter our little home by getting a storage space and moving out all the extras.  I am so excited to do this because it drives me crazy to have clutter around the house.  My other goal for the summer is to get back into shape.  It is hard when it is over 100 degrees day after day and when I am giving all of my energy into taking care of baby z, cleaning the house, making milk, making baby food, making grown up food, and trying to get enough sleep but I am determined. 

7 months and on her feet!!

Sweet baby Z has taken off, literally.  She is 7 months old and she is crawling, scooting, standing, and walking along furniture.   This sweet child of mine is amazing.  She is making all kinds of sounds, laughing a lot and crying just as much (just got her first tooth), and is a constant source of entertainment.  This little lady has an attitude that is going to make me laugh for the rest of my life (and maybe cry sometimes too).  She is strong willed and on a mission in this lifetime and I am excited to see where her drive will take her.  She loves to read Peek a boo books, she turns the pages and soon she will be making the animal sounds.  Zara Wheatley is such a joy to be around.  She is growing so fast all I can do is be in each moment and smile.

I am really enjoying being home for the summer with Zara.  The true gift of being a teacher is being able to spend time with your baby.  I love that I will have summers off to spend with Zara but honestly I think it may be more work being at home then going to work.  It is fun work but constant and I rarely have a chance to respond to phone calls, e mails, text messages, in addition to cleaning, doing laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.  The life of a stay at home mom is a lot of work, I guess it is even more work when you are a working mom.

I feel great.  I am feeling stronger by the day, my body is starting to feel like my own again, I have had a chance to go to yoga for the past few weeks and it feels so good, I have been running a few mornings each week and hiking many afternoons.  My hair has stopped falling out (finally) and my jeans all fit again.  It is the simple things in life that make me happy.  I have not one thing to complain about right now.  Life is good:)

6 months bottoms up

 Sweet baby Z is 6 months old.  She is still such a fun, even tempered, sweet, and adorable little girl.  She continues to grow like a weed.  I have no idea how long she is or how much she weighs but we will find out next week at her doctor appointment.  Zara is a chatty little girl.  Our days of going out to eat have temporarily come to an end.  She doesn't cry but she talks as loud as she can for as long as she can.  I think it is cute but the other people out to dinner might not think it is.  Zazi has started to scoot and is pushing up on her hands and knees to move around.  Time to start baby proofing our house:)  she reaches out to me and gives hugs, she is a determined little spirit who is ready to move around on her own in this world.  I love her so much.  Yesterday I started crying tears of joy playing with her.  I cannot wait for this summer so that we can play and explore.

I am doing well.  I am finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight and I am ready to loose 10 more lbs.  I have been so busy and I can't wait to slow down and just enjoy being a mama.  Sometimes it is hard to find balance in my life but when I am feeling overwhelmed and exhausted I just do my best to reconnect with my midline and know that soon I will have the chance to reignite my yoga practice.  I have been reflecting on parenting and how I thought I would parent and the reality of being a parent.  I am aware of many different parenting styles and have heard from many the "right" and "wrong" way to parent but I must say that I think the only "right" way to parent is to let go of any idea of how you should be a parent and just tune in with your babe.  Not all babies are the same, there is no cookie cutter way to be a mama.  I feel like the only way to be a mama is to let go of what you think you "should" do and chime into what your baby needs.  I am doing things I didn't "think" I would do but it works well and I have a happy baby.  Zara is so peaceful, her needs are being met, she feels secure and loved.  What else could a parent want for their sweet babe?

kicking, rolling, laughing, napping:)

Sweet baby Z!  Everyday I am amazed at her blossoming little self emerging from her baby body.  She is now 4 months, one week and 4 days old.  We went to her 4 month check up last week and she weighed 14 lbs 7 oz and was 26 inches tall.  She was in the 75th percentile for weight and in the 95th percentile for height.  We have a growing, healthy little babe.

Zara is so sweet and pretty.  She loves rolling over, splashing in the bathtub, giggling for no apparent reason, and she is now napping during the day in her crib while mommy and/ or daddy are given the opportunity to spy on her from a video camera monitor and get things done around the house.  Zara is so present, she has a knowing look in her eyes.  Wherever we go people look at her and always say things like "she is smart", "what a pretty little girl", "so alert". etc.  I am so blessed with this sweet child of mine.  My love for her continues to engulf my entire being and spill out.

I went back to work at the beginning of March and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I love teaching and my students missed me.  I am still getting mobbed with hugs in the hall every day.  I am so thankful that baby Z is at home with Daddy and not in a day care center.  I can not tell you the peace of mind I have being back at work knowing that my baby is with the other person on the planet who loves her like I do.  Darren has been an awesome Mr. Mom.  The house is always picked up when I get home, Z is always happy, fed, and well rested when he drops her off, and daddy knows it is not an easy job being home with baby.  It is constant, wonderful, but constant.

On a personal note I am still trying to figure out how to get caught up on everything and still have time to work out, do yoga, read, paint, play with baby z and make sure Lucy the pug is walked and fed.  I often times feel like I need another me to get everything done, I feel absent minded, tired, and spaced out.  Zara has been on a few growth spurts lately and she wants to eat every hour or two at night and that leaves me drained.  I still feel fat and not very attractive and my hair is falling out by the handful.  It is good that I have enough hair for 3 or 4 people but having it thin out this much is a bit scary.  Making milk is an exhausting job also, especially when she wants to eat all the time.  At the same time that I am feeling so exhausted I am also feeling so elated at my life.  I love being a mama, I love nursing my baby, I love taking care of her 24 hours a day and just sitting here and looking at her beautiful face as she naps.  She just started giggling with a big smile in her sleep, I wonder what kind of wonderful dream she is having:)

Smiles, smiles, and more smiles with some intermittent giggles

Our baby girl is 3 and a half months old.  She is such a happy lovely little lady.  She is giggling sometimes, she rolled over all by herself, she is chewing on her rubber giraffe, grabbing her toys and playing in her Johnny Jump Up.  I feel like she grows and changes in front of my eyes.  I cannot believe how big she is.  I love this picture with Zara and her new friend love cloud.

It shows how much she has grown.

I am heading back to work on Monday.  I am looking forward to seeing the kids and teaching art but I have no idea how sad I will feel.  I hope I don't cry every day.  At least we have spring break soon and then summer to look forward to:)

almost an infant

Zara is finishing up her last few weeks as a newborn.  I love watching her change and grow everyday.  She is more and more present, seems to watch and notice everything.  Her tummy seems to be maturing so that she is not spitting up as much or having as many belly aches.  She is a happy baby, smiling, cooing, and interacting more each day.
I am finally feeling more balanced.  I have been doing more yoga, hiking and some trail running.  I feel happy inside, I feel like I am settling into my life as a mom.  I honestly cannot remember what life was like without little Zara.  She fills my heart with more love than I ever knew possible.  We get so excited about every new little thing she does.  It feels like a piece of my heart was taken out when she was brought out of my tummy into the world and when I am away from her my heart feels a part is missing yet when I hold her close that part of my heart is put back.  I never knew a love like this was possible.

8 weeks

Zara Wheatley is already 8 weeks old.  She is growing, growing, growing.  She is filling out her 3 mo clothes and is changing everyday.  She is interacting a lot more, big smiles, kicking her feet and waving her arms when she is excited.  She is so fun to play with, she loves looking at herself in the mirror, looking at books, swinging in her swing and listening to music while looking at the mobile above, she is even sleeping un-swaddled in the morning when I bring her into bed to snuggle.  She seems to be seeing the world so much more clearly.
I wish I was seeing a bit more clearly.  I feel like I am moving through life in a fog.  Zara is a good sleeper so I do not feel sleep deprivation I just feel foggy and unclear on everything in my life.  Maybe it is because most of what defined me before has changed, I do not go to yoga 5 days a week anymore, I do not go hiking as much, and I do not have unlimited time to read books and take hot baths.  I have started to incorporate these things into my life a bit more, a hot bath before bed every once and awhile, a 10 min yoga session with some core exercised during one of Zara's cat naps but I still feel separate from who I have been for so long.  I love being a mom, I love every moment I have with my sweet babe but it is difficult sometimes.  I guess I just feel really alone in all this now and talking with other mom's or spending time with friends doesn't help.  I just need to ride this wave and know that soon I will feel more connected to myself and will find a new definition of who I am.  I will have structure in my life again, I will have yoga in my life again, my core will get strong and thin again and I will still love being a mom.