my big little girl

Lying in bed nursing Zara back to sleep this evening I had a moment where I couldn't believe how big she is.  She is long and lean and looks like a little girl, not my little baby.  Zara is 14 months old and growing into a full blown toddler.  It is interested how time moves these days.  I have been so wrapped up in each moment that I haven't really had a chance to reflect and digest this past year of my life.  Zara is growing and changing so fast that I cannot keep up.  I love the constant change of this beautiful little lady, it is fun and exciting to watch her grow, change, develop, communicate, express, and evolve.  She has always expressed her needs clearly and that trend continues as she blossoms into a lovely little lady.  Zara's nature is kind but she has a little fire under all that water.  She is a bit shy with people when she first meets them or sees them for the first time in a little while but it is fun to watch her open up and begin to interact.  Zara is not a great sleeper, maybe she will fall back into a great sleeping trend after these molars come through but the past month has been a bit rough for mama:) 

From mama's point of view I would like to express some reflection on my parenting style.  I tried reading the books, listening to what others told me to do, follow social norms but quickly I realized that the only way for me to parent is from my own intuition.  I feel that Zara's needs are met, she is happy and supported and has thrived from the moment she arrived.  I sometimes feels people's judgements, I can hear their thoughts that Zara may be spoiled or bratty from the love she is receiving but I feel very strongly that we are instilling empathy in Zara and that will not create a bratty and spoiled child.  Supporting her, nursing her, sleeping with her and responding to her cries is not going to create a monster child who gets what she wants all the time and thinks the world revolves around her.  I feel very strongly that making sure that Zara has what she needs will only create a stronger bond between us in turn creating a child that respects us, loves us, and chooses to do the right thing not because of a reward but because she feels good about it.  I realize that a lot of my parenting decisions can be linked to attachment parenting styles and that is fine but what happened in our society to make unattached parenting the norm.  Why is it that every other nation in the world practices attachment parenting, breast feeding their babies like nature intended, sleeping with their babies, responding to their babies cries, carrying their babies, and staying close and connected.  Why is it that our society has such a problem with violent behaviors, could it be linked to these people living an unattached life where they do not attach to their parents and so do not make the attachment to the rest of mankind.  Just a little stream of consciousness, I do feel that Zara is getting all that Darren and I have to give and more and I feel very strongly that it can only benefit her in the long run.  YES I will breastfeed Zara until she weens herself, YES I will co-sleep with Zara until she is developmentally ready to make the decision to sleep in her own bed, and YES I will hold her when she cries and I will wear her on my body because it makes both of us happy:)

A year ago today!

Our beautiful baby girl is going to be one year old tomorrow.  This afternoon on our Sanitas hike I was telling Zara all about how I went into labor one year ago today.  Beginning that conversation I got to thinking about how this year has changed my life.  Zara is the one most precious gift I have ever been given in life.  I love being a mama and I have no problem giving all of myself to this beautiful being.  This past year feels like it has gone by in the blink of an eye but at the same time it feels like a lifetime ago that Zara was not part of our lives.  I feel like she has always been with us and I can not remember what life was like without her.  She is walking, talking, communicating, playing, figuring out toys, puzzles, pointing to different animals in books, making their sounds, etc.  She is developing so fast and arriving in her body more every day.  She is a funny little lady too.  She throws fake fits to get what she wants, she nibbles on my nipple to get a reaction from me, she is using more and more sign language and is amazing me at every turn. 

What a wonderful journey this is, I am excited for every coming moment and look forward to the years to come. 

Happy Birthday baby Z! 

Almost One, WHAT?

oh boy, how time flies when you are having fun.  I can not believe that sweet baby Z will be one year old next month.  She is a funny little lady who is keeping me thoroughly entertained.  She is very clingy and loves to throw little temper tantrums when I do not do what she wants me to.  A funny little battle of the wills already.  In her perfect world I would hold her all day long so she can see and experience the world through my eyes and height but that just doesn't work for me.  She seems to get over her heart break fairly quickly most of the time and I do my best to just laugh.  Zara would also love to have her open all night buffet open all day too.  I really do notice a huge difference in her feeding when I am working.  I wish I could be a stay at home mama but I also feel like it is a good balance for us that I am gone at work 4 days a week.  She is a lucky girl in that she gets to spend so much wonderful time with her papa.  When I go upstairs to take her to bed before I leave for work she goes through a whole body happy kicking fit because she is so excited to go get her papa. 

Sweet Z is still not walking on her own even though she has been caught taking a few steps here and there.  I feel like she does not want to walk yet, like she is not ready to grow up so fast.  That is okay with me, she will walk for the rest of her life so I think it is great if she just wants to crawl around a little longer.

I am doing well, feeling more and more like myself even though I have not really figured how to fit it all in yet.  I really want to make a commitment to working out but just have not had the time do that.  I know it will happen in time so I am just trying to be patient with myself.

Life is good!  I love being Zara's mama more than I could have ever imagined and I think it is just going to get more and more fun as the years go on.  The love I am filled with is beyond words:)

Sweet Zara is 10 + months old.  She is changing and growing every day.  She is quite the communicator these days and is using her signs.  She tells me with signs when she wants milk, when she is all done, when she wants more, she waves hi and bye and even says the word "hi" when she waves.  Zara is pointing to things with an questioning look on her face, it is like she is already asking me what everything is in the world.  Zara is still a sweet and calm baby.  She is balancing on her feet and I feel like she will be taking her first steps by herself any day now.  She gives hugs and kisses (sometimes messy) and seems to be arriving in her mind and body more every day.  She is doing great with me being back at school and is even spending one full day a week with her nanny Bridget and her friend Penny Rose.  She is playing muscial instraments and loves the drums and xylophone:)

Zara got a tube toy from IKEA and loves to crawl in and out of it.  She seems to be needing more and more interesting toys, hard to keep up with the constant evolution of these amazing creatures.  At least mama can get creative with toys and find just about anything in the cabinet to entertain sweet Z.

I am also doing well.  I am finding it difficult to keep up with life right now but I feel like I am getting into a grove.  I just need to minimize any kind of social interactions after school so I can focus on getting some exercise and spending a few hours a day with Zara.  I find that it is more difficult for me to find balance when I am going 100 mph all day and all evening.  I hope that eventually I will figure out how to keep myself from spinning out of control but for some reason this transition into fall has been very busy for us, maybe this winter things will slow down a bit:)  We are heading to KC tomorrow to spend some time with family.   I am so excited for Z to meet her cousins, aunts, and uncles.  I hope she enjoys her first airplane trip. 

Sweet Zara is 8+ months old.  She is so much fun and her personality seems to arrive more daily.  This has been a hot summer and we have spent many afternoons in our backyard baby pool.  Zara loves to crawl around, play with her toys, get in and out of the pool, and splash the water with her hands.  Her baby hands are getting stronger and her fine motor skills are developing beautifully.  Just the other day she figured out how to use her fingers to pick up food and now that is how she wants to eat.  She does not want to be spoon fed by mommy or papa but instead wants to try and feed herself.  Another fine example of what a driven little individual she is.  I have a feeling that she will be walking by the time she is 9 months old, she is pulling herself up on furniture and even balancing for a few moments on her feet.  She is moving faster on her hands and knees crawling around everywhere and loves swinging at the park more than ever, she giggles as she swings and cries when I take her out.  Zara has 3 teeth, two on the bottom and one on the top and is working on that fourth top tooth.  Sweet Zara is going to have a rude awakening in a couple of weeks when I go back to work.  She is quite clingy with me right now and with all this teething has been nursing A LOT.  I planned on trying to feed her boobie juice less during the day so that she and I can get used to it but I do not see that happening.  I am her mama and I have the juice and when I am not home she will figure it out.  She is eating 3 meals a day so she will not be hungry.  I have also grown quite attached to my sweet baby Zara.  I think it is going to be harder going back to work this time than it was when she was 4 months old and it will probably get harder every year until she is at school with me.  I feel so blessed to have had such a delightful little human come through me.  She is my little tiger cub and I love to give her hugs and kisses. 

Discovery

This picture is of Zara looking at a fish tank for the fist time with her Amah at a sushi restaurant.  She was so amazed at the fish swimming around and was squealing with pleasure watching these colorful fish swim.  Sweet baby Zara is blossoming into such an inquisitive, intelligent, and silly little girl.  She is 7 and a half months old and I feel like she is growing and changing faster than I can keep up with.  Maybe it is because I am home from work for the summer and I am spending more time with her but it seems like every day it is something new.  She is saying mamama, bababa, papapa, wawawa, woof woof woof, and all kinds of other sounds that have no name.  She is getting so strong, doing squats and pull ups in her own baby way, she has discovered the stairs and loves climbing them and anything else that she can.   We are having such a fun summer together.  I am having so much fun watching Zara discover the world around her not only with her eyes but also with her body, touching, crawling, and playing with new things.  She has discovered gravity and loves to try out everything she finds with a little taste.  She is teething and her two bottom teeth have come through.  She is a happy baby but sometimes lately she just starts crying for no reason then starts laughing in the same breath.  It has been hot but we are beating the heat with a little baby pool that we sit in mid day to cool down.

I do feel like it may be more work being a stay at home mom but it is so wonderful, I feel that I will be so sad when I have to go back to work in August.  I am finally relaxed and ready to start some summer projects.  Project number one is to De-clutter our little home by getting a storage space and moving out all the extras.  I am so excited to do this because it drives me crazy to have clutter around the house.  My other goal for the summer is to get back into shape.  It is hard when it is over 100 degrees day after day and when I am giving all of my energy into taking care of baby z, cleaning the house, making milk, making baby food, making grown up food, and trying to get enough sleep but I am determined. 

7 months and on her feet!!

Sweet baby Z has taken off, literally.  She is 7 months old and she is crawling, scooting, standing, and walking along furniture.   This sweet child of mine is amazing.  She is making all kinds of sounds, laughing a lot and crying just as much (just got her first tooth), and is a constant source of entertainment.  This little lady has an attitude that is going to make me laugh for the rest of my life (and maybe cry sometimes too).  She is strong willed and on a mission in this lifetime and I am excited to see where her drive will take her.  She loves to read Peek a boo books, she turns the pages and soon she will be making the animal sounds.  Zara Wheatley is such a joy to be around.  She is growing so fast all I can do is be in each moment and smile.

I am really enjoying being home for the summer with Zara.  The true gift of being a teacher is being able to spend time with your baby.  I love that I will have summers off to spend with Zara but honestly I think it may be more work being at home then going to work.  It is fun work but constant and I rarely have a chance to respond to phone calls, e mails, text messages, in addition to cleaning, doing laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.  The life of a stay at home mom is a lot of work, I guess it is even more work when you are a working mom.

I feel great.  I am feeling stronger by the day, my body is starting to feel like my own again, I have had a chance to go to yoga for the past few weeks and it feels so good, I have been running a few mornings each week and hiking many afternoons.  My hair has stopped falling out (finally) and my jeans all fit again.  It is the simple things in life that make me happy.  I have not one thing to complain about right now.  Life is good:)